Summer Sampler: A Shattered Faith
This year’s Summer Sampler theme is “Persevering in a Troubling and Ever-Changing World.” Life can be hard. Sometimes, really hard. How do we persevere through circumstances that threaten to break us? This summer, journey with some women who have been through it and have come out the other side with a deeper faith and confidence in God’s love.
By Betty Nicoletta
I remember exactly how that morning started. Praying for my family’s salvation and other needs was something I did every day. That morning, the first day of the 2008 Subaru World Free Skiing Championships, I had an additional request for my son, John, who had qualified to compete in them. “Dear Lord, I ask that you give John discernment when he skis today. And, if he should fall, wrap Your arms around him so ‘under Your wings he will find refuge.’” (Psalm 91:4) Confident my prayers had been heard and would be answered like so many others, I began my day.
The competition was being streamed live on the Internet. That evening, home alone and excited to finally watch John compete, I sat down at my computer and clicked on the link he sent.
There is a span of more than 4,500 miles between my home in Massachusetts and the Alyeska Ski Resort in Alaska where the competition was being held, but thanks to modern technology, I now had a front row seat.
Mere inches separated me from John when the camera panned to him for a close-up. Poised atop the headwall, his expression radiated sheer exhilaration as he stood smiling and laughing with friends. The next competitor, he waved before turning and planting his poles. The cameras began filming him as he skied off. He took his first jump off a 20-foot cliff and fell. The cameras captured his fall and only stopped filming when John came to his final resting place in the powdery snow, facing heavenward.
In the week that followed, as funeral preparations were being made, God brought verses of scripture to my mind. I balked at them all. My son died on the slopes of Alaska. Where were You, God? Can I trust You with my prayers? Why didn’t You protect my son? I was devastated and wanted nothing to do with God or His Word.
The funeral luncheon was held at the Nashoba Valley Ski Area located a mile from my home. It seemed fitting to have it there since it was where John learned to ski and went to ski whenever he came to visit. As I walked over to an elderly gentleman, he stood to greet me, then raised his fist to the mountain and said, “I can’t help but think if John never left here, he’d be alive today.”
Staggered by his comment, my sheer emotions almost got the best of me. But at that very moment, words of scripture spoke to my heart, “All the days ordained for him were written in My book before one came to be.” (Psalm 139:16) They silenced the harsh words on the tip of my tongue, and instead I responded, “I’m not going there with you. Thank you for coming.” Then I walked away.
Rather than once again recoiling from words of scripture, I pondered them the rest of that day and in the days that followed. I may have wanted nothing to do with God, but He wasn’t about to let me go. He began drawing me back to Himself on the day of John’s funeral.
My faith in God was shattered the night John died. And yet, without faith, what was my option? Realizing that, in my mind’s eye I watched as small pieces of that shattered faith floated by in slow motion, and then I grasped onto one shard. I clung to it and called it HOPE. Hope that I would make it through my devastating loss. Hope that one day I would trust in God again.
It has been 16 years since John’s death. There are times when the trauma of that night threatens to overtake me, but my faith in God has sustained me. Like the psalmist, I can say, “You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; My God turns my darkness into light.” (Psalm 18:28)
An invitation by a friend 30 years ago to attend a local Bible study ignited Betty Nicoletta’s heart with a love for the Lord, His Word, and His women. It also began her involvement in women’s ministry. Over the years, she has enjoyed the opportunities women’s ministry has provided her to gather with women around God’s Word and sit under the teaching of godly women who challenged her to grow in her faith, as well as to meet and fellowship with women both locally and regionally.
She is a former Bible study director and previously served with By Design Ministries. Currently, she is a member of the Women’s Ministry Team at her church.